bafroom time

if we look good we feel good

there’s a premise that if we look good we feel good. there’s another premise that if we feel good we look good. either by heads or tails, taking care of our physical body is important

let’s break this into two halves:

• bathe — done wet
• groom — done dry

bathe

we make ourself clean through a bath, or a shower, or some combination of both

here are some tips

shower stool

i like to sit in my shower as if in a bath, and let the water sluice down from above

my shower isn’t always the cleanest though, and honestly a chair is nice anyway. a little stool works great. even better, i’ve found i prefer a brightly colored basket ball. it’s kinda squishy and padded, easy to reinflate if it goes too flat, and did i mention it’s brightly colored?

talking to self

talking to ourself is good neuropsychology. we each have two half brains in one skull. although bright brain is better at making language (and thinking of itself as the only us), our dark brain is pretty good at suggesting concepts. talking out loud is a good way to negotiate between ourselves

don’t conserve water

any shame or guilt we as normal everyday individuals carry about conserving or recycling is entirely misplaced, a guilt fed into us so we don’t question what the corporations are doing

really wan’t to conserve water? eat less beef

in the shower? seriously, don’t worry about it

shampoos and bath gels

for shampoo i recommend “Paul Mitchell Pet — Soothing Oatmeal Shampoo.” it’s the only shampoo i’ve found that really works for my autistic ass minds

for body wash i like “Suave — Wild Cherry Blossom”. not in love with it, but it’s best i’ve found, and pretty cheap to boot. Walmart usually has it in big pump bottles that last a while

loofas

loofas — big frilly twists of plastic mesh to scrubby our skin with — are wonderful

loofas probably should be retired and replaced now and then, i reason, which means the ones at Walmart seem best to me. usually they come in bright colors too

lizard time

i really like to stretch in the shower. i twist, and contort, and sometimes fit myself into each corner like a lizard

is this safe? no. is there high risk of fall? yes.

we’re all adults here, we all make our own decisions

the male butthole

on that note, let’s talk about the male butthole

social media would have me believe there are a lot men out there so terrified of their own masculinity that they refuse to wash their own butts

lets be clear here, men, that’s disgusting. clean it. soap and water. scrub with a hand, let’s keep our loofa out of our butt crack. we don’t have to stick a finger inside the hole, but we do need to scrub all around the rim

i can’t believe we’re having this talk

groom

outside the shower, we have these considerations:

toofbrushing

our teeth need cleaned at least as often as our bodies

most people do this at a sink with toothpaste on a toothbrush. toothpaste is a matter of preference. toothbrush though should have “soft” bristles unless we’re told otherwise by a dentist

an electric toothbrush can be pretty nice too, if we pay enough to get a high-end one. their head cartridges need replaced every few months though, and that’s where the real price is. amazon sells cheap replacements, but sometimes those cheap replacements shed bristles and cause problems, so, eh?

personally, i forego the electronics, and even the sink

toothpaste is actually optional

almost all the good of brushing comes from the act of brushing, not the jellies we’re sold as flavor

specifically, i keep a few basic toothbrushes scattered around my environment — one in my office, one by my bed, and one in the truck. wherever i am, i can just grab a toofbrush, flick it a few times to get old dried spit off, then gnaw on it for a while

this is especially good during driving ‘cause it gives me something to fidget with

flossing

my dentist really wishes i’d use dental floss, and/or the very nice sonicare water flosser i keep by the sink

i like the water flosser, for what it’s worth. it feels good. but it tethers me to a sink, and for some reason that seems to be the hard part

fingernails & toenails

nothing surprises me more than how fast my fingernails grow. endlessly i’m shocked that they need trimmed again a mere week after the last time i trimmed them

toenails at least have some decency to take a little longer

the best clippers for both are the ones shaped like little scissors. among those, get the ones with a shallow curve to the nippy bit

haircuts

hair is such personal style i can tender no opinion other than keep it clean

soap and alcohol, not deodorant

cosmetic industry makes “deodorants” which are just purfume, and “antiperspirants” which include chemistry to stop us from sweating. the science of the latter is pretty simple: it clogs our skin so sweat can’t get out. anyway, these are terrible, and we shouldn’t use them

instead, we should scrub our sweaty parts with soap and water when we’re in our bath, then swab with some alcohol after our bath is done

note that this takes both parts: the washing and the swabbing with alcohol

the smell of sweat doesn’t come from sweat itself, but rather from micro-organisms that live on our skin, feeding on the stuff inside our sweat. the alcohol keeps their colonies week and ineffectual, while the soap and water washes away the smelly chemicals they’ve already made

what kind of alcohol? i’d imagine any should work. rubbing alcohol is probably best, as it’s made for our skin. personally though, i use the same kind of bulk alcohol i use to clean my vape

cleaning bafrooms

we can’t expect to emerge from our bath any cleaner than the bathroom itself is, right?

thus, periodically, we must clean everything

most often this means:

• toilet
  • inside
    • use toilet bowl cleaner and a toilet bowl brush
  • outside, plus top and underside of every flap
    • use washable rags and a household cleaner
• tub and shower
  • spray with an acidic tub & tile cleaner, then rag down with hot water
    • scrub if necessary
    • repeat if necessary
    • repeat again if necessary
• sink
  • rags and household cleaner
• mirror
  • rags and glass cleaner
• floor
  • rags and floor cleaner

rags

i use a big pile of plain white washcloths as rags. they’re easy to wash, and easy to replace if they wear out, though they actually do last a long time. i get them in 24 packs off amazon